“Whatever Comes I’ll Be Ready…You Keep Me Steady”

My devotional this morning was about being thankful despite  times of uncertainty and pain when dealing with a chronic illness. You many not be living with a chronic illness, but there are many times of uncertainty and pain that daily creep into your life. It seems impossible to find gratefulness when you are in the bottom of the valley without any possible way of escape in sight; let alone being thankful for the situation itself. It doesn’t feel good  continually living in pain and distress. It doesn’t feel good having to struggle and fight, and to continually lose each and every time. What if I told you that you can be thankful, in the valley, the pain, distress, uncertainty. What if I told you that you can be thankful and grateful for the storm.

It seems crazy! Why would I be thankful for having lupus, and what could I possibly be grateful for? I must be losing it right!?! NOPE!! Not at all!! Reading this devotional this morning was right on time. The Lord has really been showing me how to be thankful for my chronic illness.  If I can learn to be thankful for this horrible illness that has left me in anxiety and depression, pain 24 hours of the day for the past 14 and a half years, took away my independence, my appearance, at times my sanity, safety, and everything I knew to be true, while literally trying to kill me, what else is there really to worry about!! I mean really think about that!! The Lord knew long before today what I would being going through. He knew since the beginning that in May of 2000, I would get sick with a chronic, incurable disease. He already made the provisions for me, and provided me with everything I will need to fight long before there was a battle; long before time knew time existed!!!  Just like me, the Lord knew your tears and pain would come. He knew that we both would make decisions that would bring dishonor to his name, yet he made a way for us before we even existed!!

Yes I have lupus! Yes, sometimes it seems unbearable, painful, and uncertain, but I am thankful!!  My fingers are cramping as I type this, and my knees are aching, as well as every other joint in my withered body, but guess what!?!? I am thankful for it!! When I opened my eyes in pain, that was a sign I was still alive!! When my swollen ankles hit the floor and I limp to the bathroom, I am walking on my own unassisted! God say’s,

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  1 Thessalonians 5:18

Nothing is too hard for my God! Lupus is not stronger than my GOD!! Your problems are not bigger than my God! Whatever comes I will be ready!! The Lord has already made provisions for me! He will not leave me to fight alone. Even when I don’t understand, and the world is crumbling down all around me, I will be thankful! He knows the answer, for he is the answer!

“You keep me steady when the sky is falling
And I’ll keep steady after You
I’ll carry on when my strength is failing
Take heart ‘cause You’re with me
So let the sun stop, stars drop, whatever comes
I’ll be ready, You keep me steady
You keep me steady” – For King and Country “Steady”

Brandi 🙂

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“Jesus Take The Wheel!”

Yesterday, I posted on Facebook that lupus was the best thing that ever happened to me.  Many people didn’t understand how such a horrible disease could  be the best thing that could ever happen . Even my husband looked at me crazy after reading it. It was not a typo! It is absolutely the truth!!

Recently I was talking to a friend that has been in a valley for some time now.  I was sharing with her how GOD allowed me to reach the lowest point in my life so I would let go and totally depend on him. For many years he let me do things my way.  He allowed me to pray to him and ask him to fix problems in my life while not truly believing that he would do it. I had plan A & B covered, and GOD was my plan C. How many of us pray to GOD to fix certain things in our lives, yet we don’t believe that he can do it, so we try to do things our way? I know I have. Despite the many times that I mocked GOD in prayer, disrespected him and spit in his face while telling him what I was going to do, he still loved me. Even in my sin he still loved me! While I smiled and worshiped him in public, I denied him in my heart in private!! Yet, he loved me so much he used lupus to save my life!!

I have an issue with control. I love it and want more of it. I have an issue with trust. It is rarely given, and quickly can be snatched away. The Lord know’s I struggle with both of these. My issues with trust and control were hampering my relationship with him.  I had built my wall up so strong and high that I wasn’t even letting the Lord through it!! He not only broke my walls down, he bulldozed that baby!! He took ALL control from me. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom by myself. I had to depend on strangers to clean me up afterwards. I had to trust that they  would take care of me. My most intimate moments, and basic private human functions had to be attended to by others. There was absolutely nothing under my control. I was flat on my back, and couldn’t do anything but look up.  That is where I found GOD’s love.

Why did it take lupus for me to learn my lesson? Why couldn’t I just surrender all on my own?  I would have saved myself so much time, heartache and pain if I would have let it all go and believe GOD would take care of me. Would I be the person I am today.?Here I am with a chronic disease that has no cure. If I worry or become stressed about anything, I will have a flare up. I live with chronic pain everyday for the past 14 years. There are days I can barely get out of the bed. This has forced me to learn  how  to ask for help. I can’t even  attempt to try to do it all; my body won’t allow me to!

Wow! What a crazy faith walk it has been over the past 14 years. I have seen the Lord perform so many miracles in my life. Things have not come together by luck or happenstance. It was the hand of GOD moving in my life. I have been in the hospital room when the doctors come in,with their faces drawn trying to explain to me that my  tests, and kidney function isn’t looking to good, then come back a few days later to be told that my kidney prognosis is great!! I have seen how the Lord helped the doctors to diagnosis me with lupus within 2 weeks while many other lupies take years and years to get a diagnosis. I have seen the Lord move when I got pregnant after the doctor told me I would never be able to have children due to the chemo making me infertile. I have seen the Lord shut down the words of the first obstetrician I went to when he told me that I would be horribly sick during my pregnancy and my son, if he survived, would be the sickest baby in the nursery. He told me to get an abortion. He then told me I was young and could have more children later. Eight months later, my son was born premature, but with absolutely no health issues!! While pregnant I was the healthiest I had ever been. My kidneys even healed themselves despite having to do the work for two!!  These and many more miracles have truly strengthen my faith. I know longer worry about what tomorrow brings, because I know GOD has already taken care of it.  I checked my account this morning and  my balance will not cover the rest of my bills for the month, but I am not worried at all. Our car is broken down right now, but I am not worried one bit!! He has promised me he would supply all my needs, and he hasn’t failed me yet!

I don’t know GOD’s plans for my future. I don’t know if it is his will to be totally healed, or if this will just be something I have to live with for the rest of my life.  2 Corinthians 12:8-9 says,

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

It wasn’t until I lost all control that I was able to experience GOD’s mighty power! Yes it is sometimes a rough road to travel,  and some days are hard to endure. Yes, frustration exists, and many tears are shed, but I will continue to give him the praise regardless of what may come my way!!!   Through it all, lupus ABSOLUTELY was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am a walking testimony!! GOD’s GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!!!

Brandi 🙂

 

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