“Imagine Me”/”Flaws And All”

Scrolling down my Facebookwall today, I have seen the same picture over and over again.  It is a post baby pic of Kim Kardashin in an ill fitting white bathing suit. I know many of you have seen it as well because it seems every form of media has posted it or is talking about it.  While I admire how quickly she has been able to shed her baby weight and return to her beautiful curvy figure, I can’t help but think about the sabbatical we have had for the past 10-12 months not having to be bombarded by pics of her on  instagram in varying states of undress, and how much I have enjoyed it. She is a beautiful women but geesh! Scrolling further along, I see an article about a young girl that was found in the middle of her crowded high school cafeteria giving oral sex to another male student.  Though these articles would seem to be two unrelated stories, they sadly are very much the same.

I have to admit, throughout my childhood and my teens I didn’t love myself. I liked myself, but I didn’t love myself.  I had body issues, hair issues, daddy issues, clothes, money, boys; all the issues that come with growing up a little brown girl under the California sun.  I really didn’t learn to love myself until I was in college.  For the most part I was comparing myself to the other girls, (who probably had the same insecure issues I had) in my jr. high and high school. It wasn’t the Gwenyth Paltrow’s on the red carpet, or the stunning Beyonce’s entertaining the masses, or the Kim Kardashin’s in every magazine on every shelf in the grocery store check out line. Though  at the time I felt I could never have all the things my classmates possessed, everything they had, or looked like they had was some how obtainable even if I didn’t know that then.  Even in their school yard perfection they still had a zit or two, had lipstick on their teeth, or bad hair days every once in a while.  I was able to see that the “princess of the ball” was sometimes off her A game just like me.  Even though I didn’t love myself, I liked myself a whole bunch.  Liking myself filled in the gaps of my insecurities until I could learn to love who I was.

I think about my nieces and I know that already in their young lives they are already being indoctrinated about what is beautiful and what is not. Unlike me their young minds are already barraged by the flawless perfection of societies idea of beauty. Unlike me, they are not shown bad hair days, zits, or any form of imperfections. All they see are impeccable photos that have been doctored beyond recognition, or the glamorous life of celebrities that is idolized on tv or social media.  It makes me wonder will they ever learn to love themselves.  Will they ever learn to even like themselves?  Will they constantly compare their self worth to an unattainable apparition that doesn’t exist. I pray when they realize that they can’t attain this false perfection they see around them, they don’t look for it, crave it, from other means. I pray they don’t look for that love from a bottle or a drugs altering haze. I pray they don’t look for it in a boy, whose love is conditioned on what she can do for him.  I pray they don’t look for it in an addicted obsession of body dismorphia.  I pray they don’t seek attention using their body as currency. I pray they grow to love themselves and all their imperfections because they are unique, special, wonderful individuals who are carefully and wonderfully made by a perfect all loving GOD.  I want them to grow to love those things that make them different.  I want them to know they are very extraordinary girls and they are loved, because there are so many little girls who have never heard this, and so many women who have yet to believe it. By birthright, you have always been “the princess of the ball”!!

Brandi 🙂

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” Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes”

I am 33 years old and to this date I have yet to have “the talk” with my mother despite the fact I have been married for 11 years with two kids.  I don’t know if it slipped her mind or she just hasn’t got around to doing it but for what ever reason I am still waiting.  ( Like I am still waiting on my purple biker shorts from the 5th grade that I paid for the material and pattern because she said she could make them, rather than just buying them like I should have done.)  I relied on the sex education class for all 5th and 7th graders, and my friends to learn the ins and outs, no pun intended, of sex and the changes that began to happen to my body.  For what ever reason we were so excited to grow up and to begin to see the manifestations of it in our bodies.

Well the time has come for me to prepare my children for the changes in their bodies. I have two boys ages 9 and 11 (12 in a month).  We had “the talk” with them about a year or so ago.  It took much coaching from me to get my husband to sit them down and explain it all.  He was so not ready, but it was time and I didn’t want them to find out in the streets like I did; especially since they are boys.  I wanted them to get the correct information, not the information Ray Ray or June Bug would tell them they saw through the key hole of their uncles bedroom door.  Ever since they were babies I have always used the correct terminology of the male and female anatomy. There were no wee wee’s or pee pee’s around here.  They knew that they had a penis, and girls had vagina’s, even though they had no idea what a vagina was.  It took many  many corrections and conversations of  “mommy doesn’t have a vagina penis” .   So my husband sat them down while I listened from the back room.  He did a good job, very quick and to the point.  I thought it best for him to talk to them rather than me.  It can already be a very embarrassing conversation.  I came out when he was done to see  if they had any questions they wanted to ask us.  It didn’t quite click to our oldest right away. when he finally understood he looked at my husband with absolute disgust and said ” Daddy, you did that to mommy!!!”  We could barely contain ourselves!!  When you think about  it you grow up with just you and your genitals, then all of a sudden your parents tell you what you will someday do with them…what they do with them. Lol!! It’s sometimes hard for us adults to even think about our parents having sex even though we (hopefully) do it all the time.

Now  my son’s are at the age where they are in the beginning stages of puberty.  Their pits are zesty to say the least, and my oldest is checking everyday to see if his adam’s apple is visible to anyone other than him.  The hormones are kicking in and so is the attitude. (Lord help me to hold out.)   Their bodies are starting to change, and girls are becoming noticeable. Before long I will have two more men living in this house…Whew, I belive it is time for a refresher course!!!

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Restoration: A Testimony of an Ex-Porn Star

A friend put up a video on Facebook about the testimony of Danielle Williams who is an ex-porn star. (Thanks Sasha!!)    I decided to also share the video in my blog.  Her powerful testimony shows that we can never be to lost for GOD to restore us. Hope you are blessed by her testimony. Please share to minister to others.

There is also a more in-depth testimony that can be found here.

http://www.p4cm.com/p4cm/podcasts/Sermon/2010/02/03/ex-porn-star-testimony

(Romans 3:23) 23 for all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God;

(Romans 6:23) 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Hebrews 8:12) 12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness. I will remember their sins and lawless deeds no more.”

(Acts 2:38) 38 Peter said to them, “Repent, and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

(I John 1:7-10) 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we haven’t sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

“Let’s Get It On!” : How to Have a Great Sex Life With a Chronic Illness

hearts clipart love

Living with a chronic illness effects every part of your life.  You may be affected by daily pain.  There may be issues with chronic fatigue or side affects from medication.  Some may suffer from depression due to the stress of  day-to-day existence, or loneliness due to loss of friends or the loss of independence.  There may be changes in your body that affect your self-esteem.  Due to these factors a person who once had an active sex life may find that they know longer have the desire anymore.  This can put a strain on your relationship with your partner.  Don’t forget your partner is on this journey with you. The may not experience all of the physical manifestation of your chronic illness but they are there with you through the day-to-day and are experiencing the highs and lows of your illness.  They too are experiencing a loss of the person you once were and the relationship you once had.  A once happy relationship may start to show signs of cracks and strain if there is not honest communication about both of your feelings especially those regarding your sex life.  It is best to communicate these feelings before either of you begins to feel resentment about the lack of sex and intimacy in the relationship.

Just because you are sick doesn’t mean you must live a life of celibacy.  With a few changes and compromise between you  and your partner you can continue to have a healthy sex life.

– Pick a time of day when you feel your best. If you take pain medicine make sure it has time to take effect.

– If your medications affects your libido talk to your doctor.

-Experiment with new positions and use pillows to help relieve pain.  Be creative!

-You doesn’t always have to have intercourse.   You may not always feel your best no matter how well you prepare. You may only be able to cuddle, kiss, or massage each other. Find other ways have a close intimate connection with your partner without intercourse.  Have fun exploring each other’s body.

-Last, keep open communication with your spouse. It is going to be a trial and error journey.  Work together to find out what is best for both of you while still fulfilling each others needs.

Just because you are sick you don’t have to sacrifice sex and  intimacy with your mate. Certain things may have to change but remember that you love each other and that your relationship is worth it!

 

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