Sometimes having lupus is the pits!! Lately I have been dealing with sun-sensitivity, a horrible case of restlessness/agitation and daily bouts with insomnia. I keep telling myself I have been through worse but it still hasn’t changed my mind about the fact that, sometimes having lupus is the pits. I am very agitated about being agitated, to sensitive for my sun-sensitivity and to sleepy to do anything about it!!
Lately the sun and I have not been getting along. Even a few minutes in the sun and I feel like I have a sun burn with horrible fatigue and joint pain. I have always known about sun-sensitivity and lupus but I never had any problems until this year. I think I am making up for lost time or something. The WRATH is upon me!! Most days I am held hostage in this house trying to duck and dodge any kind of sunlight, which adds to my frustration dealing with the restlessness and agitation because I am stuck in this house.
So now it is 10:00pm. I just finished pacing the hallway for the 10th time tonight. It is going to be a long night. Of course I am not sleepy. I am wide awake, restless, agitated with a sunburn that doesn’t exist. Yes, sometimes lupus is the pits!!
It is starting again. Me and my best friend are at an impasse right now. It seems like all we do is fight. I have tried reasoning calmly but it seems that nothing is getting through. I miss the time we use to spend together. It hurts my heart that we can’t work this out. What do I have to do? I am tired of begging and pleading for some reciprocity. It seems like I am always at the losing end. I have been willing to do what ever it takes to improve our relationship. Am I the only one who cares? Everyday I feel like I am being slapped in the face. I am totally being disrespected, yet I still have hope that we can work this out. Maybe we need to talk to someone. Maybe they could be the mediator so that we can resolve our issues. I’ve tried everything else so this has to work. If it doesn’t I don’t know what I will do.
If you are listening I love you too much to just let you go, but I am tired of you disrespecting me and not treating me the way I should. I really hate to lose you as a friend but you are really making it hard for me. I can’t just keep this to myself. I need to talk to someone about this. It is causing me to much stress. It’s time I get some professional help or I won’t be able to make it. You are driving me crazy! I don’t deserve this. I have been nothing but a good friend to you. The stress is beginning to be too much. I hope we can come to some sort of compromise. Regardless of how things are right now I just want to say , SLEEP I love you and I miss my time with you. I hope I hear from you soon. Don’t let INSOMNIA get between us and tear us apart!
Love your old friend,