“If You Can Use Anything Lord You Can Use Me”

Clip art licensed from the Clip Art Gallery on DiscoverySchool.com

It has been a while since I have written a blog entry.  I have been trying to convience myself that I didn’t have anything to say, when I have had so much to say.  My aunt passed away last month. Yes, death has shown up on our families door step again.  I wasn’t able to go the funeral due to my recent surgery, so I really haven’t fully grieved yet.  I was sitting alone in my room this morning and  I actually  heard myself say I need to call Aunt Jackie and see how she is doing.   I had forgotten that she had passed away.  My eye’s began to well up when I realized I wouldn’t be able to call her ever again.  A week before she died I finally erased all the messages she left on my phone.  I didn’t know that would be the last time I ever would hear her voice again.

Sometimes I hate writing because it forces me to feel when I don’t always want to feel.  Sometimes living so far from my family (I am in Alabama and the rest of my family lives in California) in away shelters me from a lot.  It is kind of out of sight, out of mind.  The only time I am real with myself is when I write.  This is why it took forever for me to finally sit down and write about having lupus.  I hated being sick, and watching how this illness was slowly but surely taking my life away from me.   Talking or writing about being sick, while I was acutually sick didn’t make me feel any better.  Truthfully I ran from it.  I guess I felt Lupus didn’t deserve my attention because of what it had done to me. Maybe If I would have been brave enough, you probably would have seen me on the shelves at Barne’s & Nobles by now.

I thank GOD, even though I don’t always use it, for an avenue where my voice my ideas, experiences and feelings can be shared with others. I am often told how my blog has helped so many people. The truth is, it has helped me just as much.  I pray that my words will be able to reach who he feels needs to hear it, at the time they need to hear it.  I ran away from it long enough.  I am learning to do better. Lord use me as you will.

Stay tuned.

Brandi 🙂

A day in the life…with my “super cane”!

So, I was discharged from the rehab yesterday. I had another hip replacement. I have had three in all.  I had in infection in the right hip that was initially replaced in 2003 due to avasulcar necrossis. An infection was found in the right hip in November 2010 so the doctor removed it on December 16, 2010. For three months I did not have a hip on the right side. Basically I was a one legged women.  Thankfully on March 17 the infection was gone and I was able to have the right hip replaced…the third time the right hip was cut into. OUCH!!

I didn’t have too much hope of walking out of that place (the rehab center). So when the physical therapist asked me what were my goals while I was in rehab I said to walk without my walker half believing it was possible.  To my surprise I left the rehab on a quad cane which is a lot more freeing then a walker. I even got to pick out a nice and shiny blue cane though I have to use a loaner until it is delivered. I told Cornell (my husband) that once I got that cane I would be burning the streets up.   I acquainted it to being a super hero with someone elses cape. Just wait until I get my own cape…or cane.  You better watch out!! LOL

My first out-patient physical therapy is on Monday. I am looking forward to improvement where I will be able to retire my “super cane” like I have done in the past and walk unassisted with my brand spankin’ new titanium hip!  See you at the finish line.