What do you do when a rock starts to crumble? Your first thought would be to get the heck out-of-the-way. Others might try to find another rock to stand on so that they can continue their journey. Some will actually try to hold the rock up in an effort to save it. In the past year our family has had to deal with this exact issue. It has only been the past week that I have really made my decision about “the rock”. It has been very painful for all of us but we had to make a decision.
My grandma, has been sick for some while now. Growing up I never realized that at some point family members would pass on. As I have become older I knew that they would, but pushed it out of my head. It is too scarey to think of an existence without them. I got a call that my grandmother was in the hospital, and when discharged will be going home in HOSPICE. I am scared of this word. This word means that nothing else will be done and she will be sent home to die. I can’t imagine what my mother and my aunts are feeling knowing their days with their mother are few. I do however know how I feel and I hurt just thinking about the fact that Grandma Constance won’t be around anymore. It seems almost impossible that I would even think such a thing about her…dying. Yet I live in this cloud of truth that this is going to happen sooner than later and I must prepare myself for it. I don’t know exactly how to do this, better yet I am unsure if I want to do this. It makes it too real and to painful for me.
I have been going in and out of mourning today, even though she is still with us for a time. I guess I realized that the ROCK of the family, the hard exterior but loving heart with the big voice, and straight forward but comical wisdom has already started to chip away. I am not prepared to see grandma cry, or be in a situation rendered helpless. She was never that kind of person. These things show her “humanness” and her fallibility. It also shows me that our ROCK is starting to crumble right in front of our eyes. The more effort we have to put forward to hold her up means the more of the rock is chipping away.
This analogy made me think of the one and only true rock, Jesus Christ. We have all these smaller pseudo rocks crumbling to and fro. We put our faith in these smaller rocks who have no strength to hold us up so we keep sliding further and further away. It isn’t until we hold on to the true solid rock that we can be saved. Psalm 18:2 says:
“The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He
is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold”
In times like these we must grip and hold on to the solid rock. We may feel the waves are crashing, the winds blowing, and it feels like we can barely stand. It is then we realize that even though we are feeling like this might take us out, we never fell from the safety of the rock. God is still protecting us, and holding back the storm. What we felt was just a spring shower. We just got our feet a little damp. He allowed a few sprinkles so he can plant and grow the seeds of our faith. Oh thank you LORD for keeping me in your safety!
I may grieve and mourn, but I continue to tell myself that this is only temporary. GOD holds the future for me and my grandmother and if we never met again on this earth I will be looking for her in heaven. What a day of rejoicing that will be.
” When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand..,”