Home » Chronic Illness » Finding My Smile :)

Finding My Smile :)

This sing has been on repeat all day today. It was really hard to smile, but I managed a few. I have  had two rough days battling lupus fatigue and pain from my hip replacement. I have spent all of yesterday and the most of today in bed snoozing the day away.  Days like this are always hard.  I sometimes hard to fight off the guilt for not being able to do “mom” things or “wife” things.  I can’t clean my house and it really needs it. I can’t cook dinner for my family or fold the laundry that is piled up the wall. Days like this are always filled with many emotions.  I just try to keep in mine that I can’t do everything today.  I will get another chance tomorrow to make up for my limitations of today.  I know it’s hard to not think about all you have to do, and who you have to save today but you can’t be there for someone else if you aren’t  there for yourself first. ( I am typing this for myself today as well as for you.  I need to see this in front of my eyes and not just go by what I am constantly telling myself today.)

I went to physical therapy today.  I have had all kinds of therapy over the past 11 years.  I have heard different philosophes on what is best and why. This is the first time I have been to therapy and haven’t kicked a leg, had to do squats or had a thera band thrown in my lap.  Nesin Therapy Services is very hands on.  The past two pt sessions I have laid on the mat while they have massaged, pulled, pushed my hip in all kinds of directions. It is very uncomfortable, and I stress very,  but after an hour I could feel the results once I got down to walk.  It’s something I am not used to but thank God it is working.

The rest of today is still to be seen.  I am in pain right now.  I have zero energy and had to ditch my “super cane” for my wheelchair but I am pressing on. 🙂 After all I am a survivor.

 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Thank you to those who prayed and thought of me today. Your prayers are appreciated.

Brandi 🙂


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